I miss home. I miss my people.

Today an older Italian man told me, "Italy has three things: food, wine, and history." And then he spent the next four hours teaching me about those things. It was a good evening.

Tonight was a good night. Tonight was the first time I filled my tiny house with more people than it could really hold comfortably and hosted my leaders for an evening of food, fellowship and laughter. I'm grateful for my leaders. I'm grateful that we are leaning alongside one another that who we are is so much more important than the ministry we do. I'm grateful for their commitment to Jesus and their desire to share that with kids. I'm grateful for their dedication to this ministry that we get to do together. And I'm grateful for the way they filled my tiny house tonight and made it feel warm, light and life-giving. 

Today was hard.. It's hard to explain but the feeling is weighty, heavy, dark. I miss home, and my community there. But I'm grateful for a God who gives rest to the weary soul, and for a good book that can provide a brief escape from realty. 

It's Thanksgiving and I feel like I have endless things to be thankful for. The Lord has done so much in my heart this last year and almost all of it goes back to thankfulness and Gods goodness in my life. Today I'm thankful for a phone full of pictures that represent relationships here, people I really love and care about. And getting to spend Thanksgiving in England with friends I really enjoy being with. God is good to me.

Yesterday I went and explored San Marino with my friend Kristi. Wandering around in a new place with no real agenda is one of those really life giving things for me. Grateful for a chance to explore a new little country.

If these clouds aren't ominous then I think I'm unclear on the definition.

The Lord has been so gracious to me in providing friends, I've had people to keep me busy (people I really enjoy being around) which is always good in transition. 

Next week I move into my new apartment. It's super cute and has an incredible view of the mountains. Pray that it feels safe and that the Lord would fill it with fun people, that it would be a place that people come to relax and hang out :)

Also, I had a volunteer leaders meeting on Sunday, I feel incredibly blessed that I get to serve with this group, they are super fun, smart, and invested in Christ and kids.

It's raining here, a lot. With rain predicted as far as the weather people can project (hopefully they are wrong...crazier things have happened). 

Today I'm feeling encouraged. I'm encouraged by the amazing volunteers here, that the Lord has provided a couple friends already, that students are excited about club and are inviting their friends, that I found an apartment I love, that I successfully got an ID card, and that tomorrow I get a car.

That's a pretty good list right?

I'll be honest, there are some really hard things too but I have to be careful about what I share in a public forum, just pray for us and that if it is the Lord's will that He would keep us safe. 

All that being said, I'm more confident than ever that this is exactly where the Lord wants me to be :)

I'm here, as in Italy. It's been a whirlwind of a first few days: meeting people, starting club, looking for a car/apartment, working through govt bureaucracy to in-process, etc. It's all pretty overwhelming but I'm excited, encouraged, and more confident than ever that I'm exactly where I should be.

I'm still processing that this is real, like it isn't a dream. Yesterday they passed out prayer cards and they had written one for me. Seeing Italy by my name was really fun :)

Also we went to this magical tree house bar place, it was really good community time. I'm thankful for old and new friends here at the staff conference.

I made it to Germany for the staff conference and I'm enjoying the beauty of the German landscape, worshiping in a community of like minded people, and good conversations with old friends.

Leaving is hard but I wanted to share some things I'm thankful for:

I'm thankful for friends who believe in me and the mission and ministry I'm doing enough to support me with their finances and prayers

I'm thankful for my church community and the families who love me well

I'm thankful for my amazing friends who make life silly and fun, who hold me accountable, and push me toward Jesus

I'm thankful for the high school kids I've been so close with, I appreciate their honesty, rawness, love and they way they know how to have fun

I'm thankful that I got to celebrate Sarah and Micah's wedding with them

And I'm thankful that I have friends I'm excited to see when I land in Germany in route to Italy.

With that, I'm off!

The physical pain of leaving is brutal.

(I promise not to only write sad posts but I also want to be honest.)

This is hard. I know I've left before, but when I left for Germany I didn't know how hard living overseas would be, I was young and ignorant. And when I left Germany to come back I knew that everyone would be leaving too because that's military life. And when I went to China I knew it was only for a couple months and that I'd be back.

This is harder. It's a physical sick to my stomach sad.

I know exactly what I'm getting into. I know the pain of leaving a community where I feel so loved and supported and going to a place where I'm totally unknown. I know the pain of longing for community and not having people yet. I remember how hard winters in Germany were.

Yet I'm confident that this is where the Lord is leading me. It's just hard. So many tears, and so many feelings. I just wish I could fast forward to the point where I have friends and people there too. It's not that I'm not excited to go, don't read this and think that. I am excited, but right now the sadness is bigger because I know exactly what I'm giving up. These last 10 months have marked some of the sweetest time with Jesus I've ever had, and I have no idea what's next. That's terrifying. Yet in the midst of all these other feelings I have a deep sense of peace that this is exactly where I'm meant to be, so pray for me if you're the praying type, I need it.

Got my visa! Thanks for the prayers :)

Can I write that little in a blog entry? It seems more like a tweet...hmm, I'll add one more sentence...

Last night I cried at a goodbye but they were tears from laughing so hard, I'm thankful that I have such funny friends.

Bittersweet.

Goodbyes are hard, like really hard. But there is something beautiful about knowing that I have loved and been loved well by a community of people. I’m so excited about what’s next but the major emotion right now is how hard this is. There are so many people I’m going to miss, I can’t believe I have to say bye to all of them in the next 12 days…so many feelings right now…

Last night the speaker at Rock shared the story of the prodigal son. He told the story beautifully and really captured the generous and gentle heart of God. He didn't choose to tell the story of the older brother because his talk focused on our need to repent, and the sweetness with which we are greeted by the Holy Spirit when we do (therefore focusing on the younger brother).

As he told the story of the prodigal son, a story which does so well to capture the gracious heart of our Father, I was sitting there thinking about justice. Sometimes I just want there to be justice. Why does everyone always get off so easy?

As I sat there wishing there was more justice my thoughts were interrupted by the Spirit. With same the gentleness that He greets a repentant sinner the Holy Spirit nudged me and softly reminded me that God wants justice too. God's need for justice is greater than mine but his love for us is greater than I'll ever comprehend. He reminded me that his desire for justice is why Jesus was nailed to the cross, and his incomprehensible love for humanity is what kept him there. Justice in the most beautiful, sweet, selfless act that we have ever seen in all of humanity. The same justice that covers me when I act like the older brother and the same justice that I need in the desperate way that the younger brother did.

I own more things than I'm proud of, and although my favorite things in this world aren't objects, if I had to pick a favorite object it would be my passport.
Yesterday my passport and I parted ways. I sent it to the Consulate General of Italy in San Francisco. I wish that didn't make me feel so anxious, but it does. I woke up nervous that it wouldn't get back to me. Hopefully it returns, and in a timely manner. If you're the praying type please pray it comes back, and pray that I would trust the Lord and not be anxious (Philippians 4:6-7).
In other news I bought a ticket to Italy. I leave on the 15th of this month to go to Oklahoma for Sarah and Micah's wedding, return to California on the 19th and then 24 hours later leave for Europe on the 20th (assuming my passport comes back with the shiny new visa in it).

      I love ridiculous holidays. I love the idea of celebrating small things and having an excuse to make a memory with someone. Today is "(inter)national coffee day" which fact checked is apparently inaccurate (it can only be "national" if it's declared so by the government) but who cares, businesses recognize with it with tons of free specials so why the heck can't I? I celebrated by going to Starbucks with my sister, it felt right.

      After I was curious how one invents a "fake (real) holiday", and found out that it isn't actually that hard (find out how here or here). Now I just need an awesome idea...

The blog world feels like a bit of a wasteland but here I am :)

I've had several people ask if I plan to have a blog while I'm away, I've been saying no...I guess I changed my mind. I'm not sure how consistent I'll be with this but I'll try, for you, my three readers

It feels weird to follow my post about committing to America with a post about moving to Italy but that's how my life goes. Italy is the plan, it's been the plan for awhile. It's definitely bittersweet, leaving is hard but I'm super excited for this next adventure. I'll be working with American high school and middle school kids who have parents serving in the US Air Force (see, not abandoning America). I leave in less than a month...crazy! pray for me :)

      For the better part of my adult life I haven’t been proud to be an American. I’ve spent most of my 20s wishing I could be from another country…like Canada. Americans love meat, celebrity gossip, and following sports…I’ve never really identified with these things (minus my love of N’Sync and the Spice Girls in the late 90s). Where as Canadians love syrup…that’s it. That’s a lot easier to get behind. The thing that kept drawing me back to America was the fact 98% (not based on actual math) of the people I love most are from this "land of the free and home of the brave". Then the other day while sitting in church, totally distracted (I know, I’ll say it for you, “sinner”), I had this realization: God doesn’t always want me to be the best. I’m not called to be the smartest, fastest, coolest, prettiest, or funniest. I’m not even called to be in the top ten. But I am encouraged to be content in any and every situation (Philippians 4:12). My situation makes me an American. It might not have been my first choice, but it’s definitely not my last. America isn’t the best, it isn’t even the goodest, but after living in China I’m at least thankful to have grown up where I did. America doesn’t need people to flee the country because it’s messy and not the hip trendy country to live in (like Norway or Costa Rica). America needs people who believe in the ability of a place to change. People who are intentional in prayer, love, and hope. People who are willing to invest in people and places in real and tangible ways because they truly believe that we can help shape this nation to be the great nation we all long for it to be. I think we are called to be those people; to be the hands and feet of a God who really does love his children, even those of us in America.
So…
America,
I’m in.
Sincerely,
Lauren