The physical pain of leaving is brutal.

(I promise not to only write sad posts but I also want to be honest.)

This is hard. I know I've left before, but when I left for Germany I didn't know how hard living overseas would be, I was young and ignorant. And when I left Germany to come back I knew that everyone would be leaving too because that's military life. And when I went to China I knew it was only for a couple months and that I'd be back.

This is harder. It's a physical sick to my stomach sad.

I know exactly what I'm getting into. I know the pain of leaving a community where I feel so loved and supported and going to a place where I'm totally unknown. I know the pain of longing for community and not having people yet. I remember how hard winters in Germany were.

Yet I'm confident that this is where the Lord is leading me. It's just hard. So many tears, and so many feelings. I just wish I could fast forward to the point where I have friends and people there too. It's not that I'm not excited to go, don't read this and think that. I am excited, but right now the sadness is bigger because I know exactly what I'm giving up. These last 10 months have marked some of the sweetest time with Jesus I've ever had, and I have no idea what's next. That's terrifying. Yet in the midst of all these other feelings I have a deep sense of peace that this is exactly where I'm meant to be, so pray for me if you're the praying type, I need it.