check out my new blog "Listed". its not really for writing, i'll more just post my lists. enjoy!

last night was good for my soul, church was exactly what i needed it to be. i like that God knew that too. the worship, message, and fellowship were all beautifully refreshing. but one of my favorite moments had nothing to do with all of that... first i need you to know that the church i go to is not at all a charismatic church, we are barely a clapping church, not that the Spirit isn't alive, active, and moving, He very much is, just that it is rarely expressed in a physical way. but last night during worship there was a little girl (around 4 years old) who was dancing with her dad. it was really moving to watch her twirl into her dad's arms and spin around while the messages of Truth were sung over her by a chorus of saints. i felt like in that moment God was telling me that He wants that from me, just the simpleness of dancing with my heavenly Dad, finding my joy and delight in Him. and in the midst of the craziness that is my life, that was exactly what i need to hear, and God knew that.

i wrote this a while back, and just found it, it's pretty rad to see how far God has brought me since then. He is so incredible to me. I wrote this august 28, 2011 but never posted it until now... I don’t think anyone still reads this. But maybe some of you do. So, I’ll update you all. It’s been a tough year, really good, but really hard. I’ve moved eight times (and still have no permanent home), I’ve had to ask two volunteers to step down, I’ve had my world rocked by three separate deaths (one of which I witnessed), my car blew up, I lost some friends, and due to lack of funding I no longer have a full time with Young Life (I will still work part time and make whatever funds I have raised). Like I said, its been rough. Yet looking at all of that I can say that Im starting to learn what Paul meant when he said that he had learned to be content in any and every situation. I think in my sinful state Im so quick to put my identity in things that shouldn’t define me, like friendships or where I live or where I work, or how well ministry is going. But that’s not what defines me. Paul understands that so well that he opens up Romans with “Paul, a servant of Christ Jesus, called to be an apostle” those aren’t just things he does, they define him. His identity is fully rooted in Christ. Im not saying that I’m totally there yet but I’m getting there for sure. I’m learning that like Paul im not “lauren, young life leader” nor am I “Lauren, great friend” nor am I “Lauren, the girl that moves all the time” Im not even “Lauren, dang funny” (even though its obviously how everyone else sees me) but Im learning that Im actually “Lauren, child of God, wholly loved” that’s crazy that I get to have that identity. But I do. And praise God for that. So…so what if my life doesn’t look that great from the outside, so what if I don’t have a job or a home, or if life is hard. Im a child of God. I wished I could know that with all of my being all of the time, I don’t, but Im learning to. It’s a process. So that’s where im at. Life is super messy. But God is good. I would even say my life is good. Im falling in love with God more, getting closer with new friends and spending time with kids that I really enjoy. God has also been doing a ton of healing of broken relationships. I am by no means who I want to be but I really like who God is molding me to be, I like what I start to look like when my identity is in Him.

love this.