I'm still processing that this is real, like it isn't a dream. Yesterday they passed out prayer cards and they had written one for me. Seeing Italy by my name was really fun :)

Also we went to this magical tree house bar place, it was really good community time. I'm thankful for old and new friends here at the staff conference.

I made it to Germany for the staff conference and I'm enjoying the beauty of the German landscape, worshiping in a community of like minded people, and good conversations with old friends.

Leaving is hard but I wanted to share some things I'm thankful for:

I'm thankful for friends who believe in me and the mission and ministry I'm doing enough to support me with their finances and prayers

I'm thankful for my church community and the families who love me well

I'm thankful for my amazing friends who make life silly and fun, who hold me accountable, and push me toward Jesus

I'm thankful for the high school kids I've been so close with, I appreciate their honesty, rawness, love and they way they know how to have fun

I'm thankful that I got to celebrate Sarah and Micah's wedding with them

And I'm thankful that I have friends I'm excited to see when I land in Germany in route to Italy.

With that, I'm off!

The physical pain of leaving is brutal.

(I promise not to only write sad posts but I also want to be honest.)

This is hard. I know I've left before, but when I left for Germany I didn't know how hard living overseas would be, I was young and ignorant. And when I left Germany to come back I knew that everyone would be leaving too because that's military life. And when I went to China I knew it was only for a couple months and that I'd be back.

This is harder. It's a physical sick to my stomach sad.

I know exactly what I'm getting into. I know the pain of leaving a community where I feel so loved and supported and going to a place where I'm totally unknown. I know the pain of longing for community and not having people yet. I remember how hard winters in Germany were.

Yet I'm confident that this is where the Lord is leading me. It's just hard. So many tears, and so many feelings. I just wish I could fast forward to the point where I have friends and people there too. It's not that I'm not excited to go, don't read this and think that. I am excited, but right now the sadness is bigger because I know exactly what I'm giving up. These last 10 months have marked some of the sweetest time with Jesus I've ever had, and I have no idea what's next. That's terrifying. Yet in the midst of all these other feelings I have a deep sense of peace that this is exactly where I'm meant to be, so pray for me if you're the praying type, I need it.

Got my visa! Thanks for the prayers :)

Can I write that little in a blog entry? It seems more like a tweet...hmm, I'll add one more sentence...

Last night I cried at a goodbye but they were tears from laughing so hard, I'm thankful that I have such funny friends.

Bittersweet.

Goodbyes are hard, like really hard. But there is something beautiful about knowing that I have loved and been loved well by a community of people. I’m so excited about what’s next but the major emotion right now is how hard this is. There are so many people I’m going to miss, I can’t believe I have to say bye to all of them in the next 12 days…so many feelings right now…

Last night the speaker at Rock shared the story of the prodigal son. He told the story beautifully and really captured the generous and gentle heart of God. He didn't choose to tell the story of the older brother because his talk focused on our need to repent, and the sweetness with which we are greeted by the Holy Spirit when we do (therefore focusing on the younger brother).

As he told the story of the prodigal son, a story which does so well to capture the gracious heart of our Father, I was sitting there thinking about justice. Sometimes I just want there to be justice. Why does everyone always get off so easy?

As I sat there wishing there was more justice my thoughts were interrupted by the Spirit. With same the gentleness that He greets a repentant sinner the Holy Spirit nudged me and softly reminded me that God wants justice too. God's need for justice is greater than mine but his love for us is greater than I'll ever comprehend. He reminded me that his desire for justice is why Jesus was nailed to the cross, and his incomprehensible love for humanity is what kept him there. Justice in the most beautiful, sweet, selfless act that we have ever seen in all of humanity. The same justice that covers me when I act like the older brother and the same justice that I need in the desperate way that the younger brother did.

I own more things than I'm proud of, and although my favorite things in this world aren't objects, if I had to pick a favorite object it would be my passport.
Yesterday my passport and I parted ways. I sent it to the Consulate General of Italy in San Francisco. I wish that didn't make me feel so anxious, but it does. I woke up nervous that it wouldn't get back to me. Hopefully it returns, and in a timely manner. If you're the praying type please pray it comes back, and pray that I would trust the Lord and not be anxious (Philippians 4:6-7).
In other news I bought a ticket to Italy. I leave on the 15th of this month to go to Oklahoma for Sarah and Micah's wedding, return to California on the 19th and then 24 hours later leave for Europe on the 20th (assuming my passport comes back with the shiny new visa in it).