its been some time since my last post. i feel like i dont have much to say but i'm pretty sure a lot has happened.
the camping trip at big sur was good, not great but good. it was beautiful there, not so much the weather but more so the location. i wouldnt want to be from any where other than california (besides maybe south africa). prior to the trip i was told by my doctor that my knee will not be getting better so i made the decision just to suck it up and learn to deal with the pain (he aslo said it will not get worse). because of that decision i was able to play both soccer and ultimate frisbee on the beach, it was painful but incredibly fun, perhaps even the highlight of the trip. i also learned the secret to not being cold at night, two sleeping bags, three pairs of pants, two pairs of socks, two shirts and a sweatshirt and i was golden. i wish more of the senior girls would have gone on the trip but the freshmen were cute. its weird that that trip might have been my last vbc trip for a while, there is a really small chance i might be able to go to the big ranch round up but its not looking real great. who knows at the rate i'm going with fundraising i might not be able to leave in july in which case i guess there could be more trips, but i'm still praying that the Lord will allow me to leave in july, i just really feel like that's when i'm supposed to be there.
so the other day i subbed for a 7th grade class. during part of the time i was with them they had a talent show. it was so hilarious, but it was not supposed to be. i had to get up and walk to the back so that the other kids would not see me laughing. i'm amazed at how brave and perhaps socially unaware some middle school kids can be. there was a lot of singing, a lot of voice cracking and a lot of awkward. it was wonderful. then after i feel like God got his revenge with me for laughing at the kids by making me read aloud to a 7th grade class (which i thought was dumb, they are in 7th grade they should be able to read for themselves). anyway, i'm dyslexic and when i read out loud it gets worse. so about a minute into it the word bicycle appeared i tried about five times to say that word but couldnt get it out, finally a kid had to say it for me. it was pretty embarrassing and it happened like four other times. after i just got to hang out with the kids which was really fun. apparently tech decks (which were popular when i was in middle school) are popular again. that made me laugh, and i really enjoyed the kids, i was pretty bummed when i had to say bye at the end.
things have been good recently. i'm still really emotional all the time but ive really been enjoying time with people.

i leave for camping again today (we're going to big sur). i feel the same about this trip as i did when i was leaving for yosemite. not a huge fan of camping but hopefuly it will be fun. i wish more of the senior girls were going. i'm excited to hang out at the beach, that will be good.
feeling cared about and cared for is perhaps one of the greatest feelings, thats how things have been recently.
and now i cant decide if i should watch friends or the office (i love days off). i think i'll watch friends. the office is more fun when you are with people to be like "did he really just say that??"
goodness my thoughts are so all over the place. so i will be done.

things have been crazy since my last post. i'm really feeling the reality of the fact that i could be leaving soon. ive been crying a lot, like at youth group last wednesday, i was laughing so hard i started crying and then i just kept crying because i knew i would miss moments like that. so lame.
at our end of the year young life leaders dinner last thurs we all got a chance to reflect on the year and share about the cool things God had done in the ministry. everyone also shared a story about me since that was my last official pleasanton young life thing. it was really encouraging and sad and wonderful all at the same time. i loved serving with that team, it was such a great last year of pleasanton young life, and i love how God has provided such an amazing team to continue it into next year. not that God ever needed me but its still good to know that they will be ok with out me.
today was really wonderful, lots of sports, lots of friends, lots of sweet moments.

i'm reading lots of things right now that are making me really uncomfortable. uncomfortable in a good way. like what if Jesus meant what He said when He talked about the cost of following Him? I'm reading a book right now that says we have highlighters so we can highlight the parts of scripture we like and ignore the parts we dont. i think sometimes i do that.
anyway this quote from the irresistible revolution was pretty intense but so good:
"I remember hearing about an old comic strip back in the days of St. Ed's. Two guys are talking to each other, and one of them says he has a question for God. He wants to ask why God allows all of this poverty and war and suffering to exist in the world. And his friend says, 'Well, why don't you ask?' The fellow shakes his head and says he is scared. When his friend asks why, he mutters, 'I'm scared God will ask me the same question.' Over and over, when I ask God why all of these injustices are allowed to exist in the world, I can feel the Spirit whisper to me, 'You tell me why we allow this to happen. You are my body, my hands, my feet.'" -Shane Claiborne

i'll be honest, i'm kind of having a rough day. i dont think that the blogging world is the best place to talk about it so i'll sum it up briefly and leave the rest of my thoughts for my closest friends. basically, leaving is hard, and i want to go on missions trip and be with people, but i cant.
and thats really tough.

like many others i saw leeland last night. the concert/worship night was really great. lots of people were connecting with God in a real way.
i just had fettuccine alfredo, its like big kid mac and cheese, just not as good. (no, it wasnt my first time having it)
today i subbed at foothill. drama then biology. drama kids are crazy, one kid bit another one, it was pretty funny. i made the kids call me miss awesome all day. it was really fun, especially when they kept asking if that was really my last name. that last period of bio was probably the most fun ive had subbing, lots of fun yl kids who played along and wouldnt tell the other kids my real name. good times.

there really is so much to say after yesterday. i dont really know where to begin. i guess first of all to say that i'm still learning, i cant believe i thought i'd have it all figured out in a day. there are a ton of great organizations committed to helping and getting information out there, i'll try to add links to some of the great sites that i found in the near future. this has been a lot to process through. a lot. i'm considering starting a non-profit, maybe soon, maybe when i get back from germany. i still need to pray about it a lot.
yesterday pati, ashley, makenna and i went to the park, it was quite fun. i really love the park by my house, perhaps more than it is normal for a 21 year old to enjoy a park. but it is seriously amazing, if you havent gone with me let me know and we'll try to work it out.

i want to live bigger. there are so many needs in the world, so many things worth fighting for. i was reading about aids, hunger and free trade yesterday and it got me thinking about things...
FAIR TRADE:
Fair Trade is "an alternative approach to conventional international trade. It is a partnership aimed at obtaining sustainable development for excluded and disadvantaged producers through provision of better trading conditions. By creating direct relationships between producers and buyers, producers can get a better price and buyers are guaranteed a high-quality product. By eliminating the middlemen and exploitative buyers, Fair Trade guarantees a price, which allows for producers to cover the costs of production and sustain their family." -the revolution
this is what really made me think: "each purchase you make is a political statement. Think about the products you consume and consider the conditions under which they were grown or produced. Make a commitment to buy products that reflect your values." thats kind of an intense idea but in such a cool way, i know that i will only be held accountable for my actions but what statements am i making with out even knowing it? am i just settling for whats cheapest or am i buying products that go towards bettering the lives of others. the problem with this is that it seems like a lot of work, but thats lame of me to possibly be exploiting people because i'm too lazy to do the research to find out how the products i consume are made. i just want a website that tells me if my lucky charms are ok and what brand of t-shirts i should buy, things like that. i realize that its worth it to spend the extra money to ensure that people are given fair market wages. i would even go so far to say that its a spiritual issue.
HUNGER:
"one in ten U.S. households is living in hunger or at risk for hunger." i was a social welfare major, i know that poverty and hunger are issues in the US, i just didnt put it together that it was one in ten. that is a huge statistic, and obviously its not just in the US. "Hunger exists not because the world doesn't produce enough food-we have the experience and the technology right now to end the problem-but because it is not distributed equitably...Given the fact that humankind has the mean to end hunger, its persistence in God's world is a scandal" (the revolution). i realize that this is another problem that i am just throwing out there with no real solution but i feel like i must be able to help some how, i'm just not sure what it is yet. i was told i should check out the ONE campaign. i plan on it.
the chapter on HIV/AIDS was good as well but i pulled out this quote that i feel like is applicable to Free Trade and Hunger as well, just substitute where it says AIDS with either of those "Documentaries of the Holocaust, the Rwandan genocide, and American racial segregation have made me shake my head and say 'Never again. Not here. Not ever.' Now I wonder if future documentaries will report how AIDS ripped through our world and how most of the wealthiest and best educated failed to act." i would hate that.
i really want to save the world, but God hasnt given me the world. i just need to learn to be faithful with what He's given me, which i guess includes purchases i make and where i give money and if i give money. i plan on spending sometime doing some research on all this stuff today. i'll try to update tomorrow with my findings.

first of all an overview: the trip was really great. i love the senior girls so much and it was so good just to be with them and enjoy their company. it was really encouraging. yosemite is beautiful, it was great just being there and enjoying God's creation.
now for some details: we got up late friday night and there were not enough tents for all the girls to sleep in so we all decided to sleep outside. i was super cold that night, i dont think i slept at all, and woke up not able to feel my toes. however, white water rafting totally made up for it, it was quite fun. after rafting we were able to hang out in yosemite park and just enjoy being together. that night (last night) five of us slept in the vbc jet, sarah and i selpt on my twin sized air bed in the back, it was awesome and actually warm. then today we had a really encouraging time with all the seniors and then headed for home. overall, a really great trip. the pictures are up on shutterfly if you want to check them out.

and lastly i'd like to leave you with a little video from the trip, its titled sexy faces, but dont worry its not scandalous

i sub(b?)ed high school on wed and i had a kid legitimately think i was thirty eight. no joke, he was dead serious. dont worry you dont have to tell me i dont look that old, it didnt cause me to have a self conscious moment, i just thought it was ridiculous. the best part was that after he said it a kid standing next to him was like "no way shes like 23 or 24, my mom is 39."
then yesterday i subbed third grade and i had one of the senior girls (christina burke's) little sister in my class. when she walked in she was like "hey, youre friends with my sister, your name is lauren" so they all thought i was 17. stupid kids. (totally kidding).
i leave today for the senior trip. while i'm kind of bummed i'm missing all the festivities that surround ashleys birthday, i'm really excited to spend a weekend with the girls. were going white water rafting, i'm a little nervous for my knee but last time i went we didnt fall out (we just pushed each other out) so hopefully we will have the same skill tomorrow (maybe i should say luck...if we do well its skill, if we are awful i'll say luck). i also hope i'm not cold, i always freeze when i camp. always. ive tried all the tricks and they just dont seem to work for me. so hopefully it will be warm. goodness yosemite is beautiful, its going to be so good to be there, especially with the senior girls, they are swell. and everyone knows ashley makes her birthday into a birthday month so it will be more like arriving fashionably late to a party.

i got to read a book today just because i wanted to. it was swell.
its such a relief to be done with those classes but today and tomorrow are kind of insane. i was supposed to be told yesterday where i would be placed in germany but i wasn't. i'm still hoping to know soon.